Deciding So
By Emily Sferra
At the ripe, young, and emotionally awkward age of 12 (ok, yes, I got a late start to dancing and no, my bio does not begin with “since the age of 2 Emily has been dancing just as soon as she could walk!”) I fell in love with how I felt when I was moving my body in a specific, meaningful and crafted way, and consequently I have lived the rest of my life in the pursuit of becoming a professional dancer.
I am 27 now. I’ve been in endless amounts of class, training, and recitals. I’ve majored in Dance in college. I’ve had lead roles, solos, duets. I’ve moved to New York City. I’ve been paid to dance in New York City in films, on stages, in festivals, on sidewalks, and in homes. I’ve moved across the country to continue to pursue dance, where again, I’ve danced on multiple stages, been paid for rehearsals and shows, and have been featured, interviewed, photographed, and complimented. I’ve even co-founded a new pick-up performance company, applied for a $15,000 grant, and got it – all in the first year of the company existing.
But in all these years, shows, opportunities, and “checkpoints,” no one has ever hired me and given me the title of “professional dancer.” At least not outright. No one has ever handed me a business card or a contract with a title letting me know I’ve established a certain position.
So – sometimes I’m still not really sure if I can categorize myself as a professional dancer. And thus, it sometimes leads me to believe I still have not “made it” as a dancer. Yet, I do call myself a professional dancer. And herein lies the dilemma about the whole “making it” thing. Putting a qualifier or quantifier on life status is a slippery slope. Especially slippery when there is no clear path, checkpoints or uniform way of going about the task of being a dancer.
In a lot of ways, I think “making it” is a trap. It’s a trap my mind and society places on my choice to prioritize something besides a stable, financially sustainable, and clear future. It’s a preconceived notion that helps a person feel like they’ve got a clear goal and a measure of success.
Making it is not an end point. It’s a pat on the back. It’s the nudge that I’m where I’m meant to be – for this moment. It’s also a reminder that the second I feel I’ve made it, “making it” then shifts; it lets me know that it’s transient and ever changing in its definition.
So long as I flex, ebb and flow and continue to seek new ways to make it in the future – I am making it. Right here, and right now.
Because if all “making it” is, is my deciding so – then hell yeah. I made it. I make it every damn day.
Emily Sferra did not begin dancing at an early age, but she’s gotten real good at making up for lost time. She is originally an East-coaster, but is currently located in Seattle, WA where she gets paid to dance (sometimes), dances for the thrill of it (all the time), and co-founded the company CabinFever. Emily also teaches these crazy insane workout classes that she adores called FlyBarre.
Photo by Michael Kingsbaker
2 Responses to “Deciding So”
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed browsing your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again soon!
Emily,
That was beautiful and I applaud the bold steps you have taken! As a friend of your Mother and a bystander in your progress, I loved reading this. I love that you have received an extra jolt of professional energy from the city I so enjoyed … Or is it you who has given Seattle a good old’ northeastern jolt!?
Xxx
Pat
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