A Steamy Nutcracker Christmas
LYRICS BY ANDY PRIMM AND EMMALY WIEDERHOLT, ILLUSTRATION BY MAGGIE STACK, DAVID GEIST ON PIANO, ANDY PRIMM ON VOCALS, YOUR MOM ON TOP OF THE PIANO
It’s another Christmas Eve. The Rat King has been banished. The Sugar Plum Fairy and her entourage have taken off for the night. Clara and her hot Nutcracker man friend are left alone in her parents’ house. What happens next? What do you think happens next?! Think along the lines of “Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire,” but a tad racier…
Dance belts hanging from an empty barre
Sweat-stained tights adorn the door
Lipstick rolls out the dance bag to the center
With the contour of a kiss smeared on the mirror
Everybody knows Tchaikovsky and some mistletoe
Make a dance belt fit too tight (if you know what I mean)
Fondus deepen, pirouettes loll
And développés only reach dégagé-height
The Nutcracker prince is on his way
He’s making Clara swoon with each grand jeté
The way he threw the Rat King in a trance
It’s clear that Clara wants to do more than dance
And so as you make plans for Christmas Eve
Remember this lusty tale so true
If your dance belt goes from being on to en l’air
Then a very merry Christmas to you!
~~
Need to hear it to believe it? Listen below! Chances are you still won’t believe it!