The Bunion: They’re Stealing our Jobs!

BY EMMALY WIEDERHOLT AND MAGGIE STACK

We have a new economic crisis on our hands! Teenagers can’t find work! Why? Dancers are stealing teenagers’ low-wage jobs to subsidize their no-wage dance jobs. And with teenagers out of work they’re turning to alcohol and drugs and not going to college and becoming bums and IT’S ALL THE DANCERS’ FAULT! Blame the dancers! If they would have gone into something reasonable, like accounting or marketing, a whole generation of young people would be upstanding members of society.

These are the top five jobs unavailable to young people because dancers have stolen them:

1. Pizza deliverer

Stealing_Jobs_pizz_boy2. Lawn mower

Stealing_Jobs_lawn_mower3. Movie theater ticket taker

Stealing_Jobs_ticket_taker

4. Babysitter

Stealing_Jobs_babysitter

5. Dog walker

Stealing_Jobs_dogwalker

Don’t let dancers get away with the sabotage of a teenager’s chance at life!