The Bunion: Swan Lake… or Pig Puddle
By Maggie Stack and Emmaly Wiederholt
Ballet companies have been producing Swan Lake for the last couple hundred years. Instead of yet another rendition of Swan Lake to boo-hoo over, we’d like to present an alternative: the epic tragedy of a prince and his love for a pig gone awry – Pig Puddle!
Plot: A handsome young prince is wandering around a barnyard when, behold! He falls in love with a beautiful pig playing by a puddle. The pig squeals that she is actually a princess-turned-pig being held captive under the spell of the evil farmer, Old MacDonald (E-I-E-I-O)! The Prince vows to break the spell by marrying Miss Piggy, but lo! Who shows up to the wedding but an evil look-alike hog! The Prince is deceived – she never smelled that good to begin with – and marries the hog! Princess Pig is forced to weep in her puddle for all eternity, or at least until Old MacDonald decides he’d like to have pork for dinner! Oh the heartbreak! Oh the horror!
Can’t you see it?! Ballerinas everywhere will jump at the opportunity to don a fat suit! Hollywood will soon produce Black Pig! Little girls will idolize hogs! Move over Odette; Pig Puddle is taking your place in the ballet canon!