Erotic Vegas Show with the Family

By Zach Intemann

I recently travelled to Las Vegas for a cousin’s wedding. A few days before departing for Vegas, I received a text message from another cousin asking if I would be interested in seeing a show with him and other family members. I replied, “Definitely, which show?” My cousin quickly responded, “Zumanity.” Unfamiliar with Zumanity, I immediately looked it up on Google only to learn that it is an erotic themed Cirque du Soleil. I asked my cousin if he was serious. He was. So I mentally prepared myself to see the “sensual side of Cirque du Soleil” with my two cousins in their forties, their mother (my older aunt), our uncle in his fifties, and his girlfriend. I’m 26.  Not awkward at all.

If the six of us weren’t already excited enough (obviously), we filled up on steak, wine and martinis before the show. The best line I could come up with for flirting with the female ticket collector, pre-show photographer, and male usher was, “Guess what! I am so excited!” My excitement is pretty obvious in the picture.

Zach excited

The show opened with topless girls, music, and more topless girls. The host was a gay French guy wearing a man thong and a sports coat. Despite being French, I thought he was very funny. I sat between my aunt and my cousin toward the center of the row so I didn’t have a great view when the performers walked down the aisle, but that didn’t matter because the real entertainment was on stage. The opening scene was most impressive, with two female performers (wearing only blue thongs of course) doing handstands and crazy dives into a large clear bowl the size of a hot tub. This was one of a few acrobatic highlights of the show for me.

The other impressive scene was later in the show when aerialist midget Alan J Silva flew through the air, demonstrating great strength and athleticism. I thought the scene was choreographed exceptionally well.  I ran into him the following day in the promenade at the casino. I told him I was really impressed with his performance, but he wasn’t really interested in talking to me, either because he meets too many fans or he could tell I was hammered at five in the afternoon.midget flying

Compared to other Cirque du Soleil shows, the acrobatics and flying was limited in Zumanity. But boy did they make up for it with other entertainment. In one scene, a woman taught the crowd how to stuff her boobies with zip lock bags filled with gin. She simply showed and explained to the crowd (flat ladies in particular) how to stuff a bra using a plastic bag half filled with booze (instead of tissue). In another scene, two audience members were asked to go on stage and mimic seductive dance moves. At one point, a dancer walking down the aisle brushed my uncle’s shoulder and face with her feather prop. It was all very sexy and funny.

There were plenty of topless girls, but the producers made a point to include fit male performers as well to make sure the men weren’t the only ones hot and bothered by the end of the show. I heard that the theatre had special couches for couples. Although the place was filled with couples of all ages, and my family, I didn’t see any couples’ couches, but couples’ couches may be better for the imagination. My family and I sat in a normal row just like normal people do at normal Cirque du Soleil productions.

After the show, my cousin said he thought Zumanity lacked acrobats and aerialists compared to other shows, but was the most entertaining he’d seen. I highly recommend this Vegas show for anyone who wants to see titties, muscles, midgets, or just wants to be very entertained; I was very entertained.  I laughed for almost the entire show. I only stopped laughing when I asked the girl in the Zumanity gift shop after the show if anyone had ever had a heart attack during Zumanity. She said yes. Luckily no one in the theatre had a heart attack when I went to see Zumanity for this family outing.

Photo by Alan Silva Photography