Here we are at the start of a new year and a new decade. If you’re wondering how it will go for you, look no further! We’ve carefully read the signs and deciphered what is written in the stars for dance artists everywhere. Find out your dance horoscope for 2020 and get started on the right foot (pun intended)!
Aries (March 21 to April 19)
Bad news Aries. 2020 is the year of the blister. Maybe even the decade of the blister. No matter what footwear you buy, no matter how many times you tape your feet, no matter what the floor surface, you are doomed to puss and gloom.
Taurus (April 20 to May 20)
Oh Taurus, you bull, you’re looking bullish in 2020. Do a few leg lifts, squats, pushups, and abs, and wait for the compliments to roll in. Smile coyly and mention you barely did anything. 2020 is your year to look toned!
Gemini (May 21 to June 20)
Feeling like you’re not getting where you want in the real world, Gemini? Have you considered the virtual landscape? 2020 is your big chance to pioneer VR choreography! Boo on all those IRL venues. If you’re not dancing in The Cloud, are you even dancing?
Cancer (June 21 to July 22)
Cancer, I suggest you sift through the lost and found of every studio you enter in 2020, because treasures beyond your wildest dreams await. Chic athleisure wear you’ve only dreamed of donning is sitting at the bottom of the basket in just your size.
Leo (July 23 to August 22)
Leo, 2020 is the year you were fated to pioneer the latest and greatest in dancewear: the dance cap! Like a swim cap, but somehow more stylish… it’s up to you; you’re the inventor! No more hair flapping and falling out, thanks to you one day soon!
Virgo (August 23 to September 22)
Virgo, you too are a pioneer in 2020. It is written in the stars that you will choreograph the first piece based entirely on smell. It will be subtle, daring and bold. Just make sure you don’t premier during cold or allergy season.
Libra (September 23rd to October 22nd)
Libra, start saving money now, because you’re going to need it. You are fated to rip holes in every dance outfit you wear. There will inexplicably be perforations in your arm pits, punctures in your knees, and slits along every hem.
Scorpio (October 23 to November 21)
Feeling a little old, Scorpio? 2020 has a futuristic ring to it and, unfortunately for you, all your dance students will start conversing in a lingo you just don’t get. Start investing in dentures and bifocals now, because the blurn is wolla shmau!
Sagittarius (November 22 to December 21)
Oh Sagittarius. Sometimes you just get bad ideas, and there’s no stopping you. In February, you’re going to get the “brilliant” idea to choreograph on animals. But by October, you’ll have to justify to your board why you have a surly platypus on your payroll.
Capricorn (December 22 to January 19)
Do not produce that big show you envision where the set drops glitter for an hour and a half nonstop, Capricorn. If you do, you will find glitter everywhere, and I mean everywhere, for the next decade.
Aquarius (January 20 to February 18)
You, Aquarius, are old school. While all the other choreographers out there are working in VR, smell, animals and glitter, you stick to the old dance-across-the-stage-routine. In 2020, retro returns, and you will be hip again.
Pisces (February 19 to March 20)
It’s always a sob story with you, Pisces, about how you couldn’t remember the combination because your dog ate your B vitamins. Well buck up, because it’s 2020 and B Vitamins aren’t trendy anymore! It’s all about probioluminescence now! Anyway, it’s up to you to decide your fate!
Happy dancing in 2020 and beyond!