Sydney: I’ll Never Settle
Each summer for the past seven years, I have asked a group of young dancers where they are with dance. I leave the question open-ended in order for them to answer however it resonates personally. My goal is to create a yearly check-in to chart how these women evolve through dance.
Below are Sydney’s shifting perspectives over the past seven years. I eagerly await what direction her path will lead in the future, and what role dance will play. –Emmaly Wiederholt
2019: age 21
This year I began my transition into the professional realm of the world I’ve loved since I can remember. A crazy year indeed, but a great one nonetheless. It began with me deciding at some point last year to condense my studies at the University of Utah’s ballet program into three years instead of four, so I doubled up on my dance classes. On top of that, I participated in every show! I was casted as the soloist in Melissa Bobick’s Fractured, which we took to California to compete in a choreographic competition in November. Then, I worked with two of my best friends in their student choreographic works, while simultaneously getting thrown into Michele Wiles’s company, BalletNext, to rehearse for my New York debut! I was also fortunate enough to be cast as a gossip girl in Bruce Mark’s version of La Fille Mal Gardée at the U. We rehearsed nonstop for this full-length experience, and it worked out great in the end!
The day after La Fille closed, I was on a plane to the Big Apple for a costume fitting, rehearsal, then a week of shows at New York Live Arts in Chelsea. It was an incredible experience as we were fortunate enough to share the bill with Amar Ramasar and Maria Kowroski. Being able to watch these two perform a duet as well as being able to perform in two of Michele’s own pieces in my favorite city was something that definitely will continue to shape me as a dancer. We ended up having another round of shows in upstate New York at Kaatsbaan, which was incredible, and I recently returned to the city to have another round of shows at the New Victory Theater on Broadway! Working with Michele has been amazing for me and has really changed the way I approach movement, especially with turning. I will be forever grateful to her for everything she has given her dancers.
Additionally, the week after we returned to Utah from New York the first time, my audition season began. I had five in-person auditions and sent videos to many! Got a lot of great feedback and even more great experience, and I am currently in Oklahoma City with OKCB to get further evaluated for a job with the company! This will be the deciding factor as to whether I return to the U in the fall, but no matter what, I just gotta keep pushing for it. Something I learned this year through everything is that a lot of auditioning is being in the right place at the right time, and that some seasons are just going to be harder to land a job than others, whether that’s because of look, availability, or anything else. It is a HUGE lottery, but the important thing for me is to just try to do my best at all times, and take the waves as they come! I will find my place in the professional world, be it this year or next. I just have to show myself to the world and follow the tides.
Another thing I did this year was participate in my first (and likely last) ballet competition! I competed two variations, Giselle Act I and Raymonda’s Daydreams, as well as my own choreographic contemporary piece, Ellipsis, in the American Ballet Competition in early June. I ended up placing third overall in the classical division and got a scholarship to attend a Bournonville workshop. It was a really great experience to work closely with Christopher Alloways-Ramsey, who is on faculty at the U. I balanced these intense classes and rehearsals with him with working with Michele, which was challenging but do-able, and totally worked out in the end.
I am so glad that I participated in everything that I did this year, and taking a second to sit and write it all out shows me that I am capable of so much, and need to continue to partake in everything I possibly can in an effort to know that I am doing everything I can to get to where I need to be. That’s all I can do, and it will be enough. I’ll never settle. In the words of Billy Joel, “Only fools are satisfied.” What a year it has been.
2018: age 20
Six years into this project, and dance is still my bread and butter. I’ve never loved something so much or been so passionately involved in anything, and I know that I’m in the world I’m meant to be in.
This year was my sophomore year at the University of Utah’s ballet program, and it was transformative to say the least. From the beginning, I was met with unexpected challenges, and I truly felt as though I grew the most I ever have in one year’s time. I was moved up to the senior ballet level as a sophomore, so not only was I challenged in technique, but I was also on my own, completely unfamiliar with my peers and the new teachers. Being thrown into this environment was at first a little jarring, but I quickly realized that it was a sink or swim situation, and I was determined to stay afloat. Being able to look up to my older peers and learn through example as well as through the wonderful staff, I was pushed to grow each and every class. I also switched pointe shoe brands from Gaynor Minden to Suffolk Solo Prequels, which changed a lot for me for the better.
I also did a lot of performing, taking on not only ballet department programs, but extra shows through the modern department as well! I performed in Konservatoriet in the fall, coached by Jeff Rogers at Ballet West, then participated in a modern grad show thesis, performed in Jay Kim’s faculty work while struggling with Achilles tendonitis, and finally was a part of Nicholas Gibas’ senior piece, which was an amazing experience. We had danced in Petronio’s MiddleSexGorge the year prior together, so it was truly an inspiration to work with him again. I also found a love for choreographing, and will be exploring this side of myself more. In the choreographic classes in which I participated, my work was met with praise and constructive criticism, so I hope to continue to seek growth, change and developments in this facet of dance. This summer, I will be attending American Ballet Theater’s ballet intensive in New York, as well as the University of Utah’s summer intensive to get some ballet BFA credits taken care of while also staying in shape for this upcoming crazy year.
Another development in my dance life is that I made the decision to audition for ballet companies this upcoming year! This potentially would mean graduating early, which I am currently on track to do, and beginning my ballet career next year. I am extremely terrified but simultaneously eager and excited to put myself out there. This has been a dream of mine for so long, and knowing that I am on the cusp of beginning that professional journey is thrilling. While I understand there is a lot of potential for failure, I know that I will not stop trying until I make it, and that failure is only fuel for the journey. I look forward to the year ahead, and all the years to come. Somehow, everything’s gonna fall right into place, and I cannot wait to be planted and begin blooming into the artist I seek to become.
2017: age 19
This past year has been one of the craziest and most exciting of my life! I started school at the University of Utah School of Dance as a ballet major, and was lucky enough to get to perform in every show! We did Les Sylphides in the fall, and I had a solo in a contemporary piece in the spring, alongside a duet in Stephen Petronio’s MiddleSexGorge in April.
I went through a lot of personal growth as well, realizing more and more that I am truly the only one who is in charge of where my life and dance career takes me. Though I cannot predict the future, all that matters is that my passion will never die and that my work ethic remains as strong as it can be. It is really nice to be supported by my faculty, and they give me valuable advice and corrections. They also gave me great feedback in conferences, and I look forward to continuing my time there, working toward my goals through my love of the art form.
I’m currently studying at American Ballet Theatre for the summer program, and have loved every moment. I think this would be my ideal place to dance when I’ve gotten older and better (fingers crossed), but I am keeping my options open, knowing that as long as I put my entirety into my endeavor, I will end up where I need to be. Lots of unknown, but I do know that I love what I’m doing, and that is enough.
2016: age 18
Dance for me has been a continual passion that I don’t ever think will cease. I have loved it for as long as I can remember and I will continue to love it with all of my being. I just graduated from Booker T Washington High School for the Performing and Visual Arts, which was the best thing that has ever happened to me (the school, not leaving it). I am continuing my dance studies at the University of Utah’s ballet program where I hope to become a trainee with Ballet West. I am on the waiting list for Juilliard at this point in time, and though that is my dream school, I know that if I don’t get in in the end, I will have another good option waiting for me. I am currently studying at Joffrey Academy of Chicago for the summer, and I’m having a great time learning from all of the faculty as well as my classmates. I can only push forward and hope that all that I am doing is propelling me towards where I want and need to be.
2015: age 17
Dance is my soul’s way of getting out of my body. I have never felt freer or more alive than within the moments of movement that I am lucky enough to be able to do most days of my life. I am going into my senior year in high school at Booker T. Washington HSPVA, so I am dancing and growing every day. I am nervous about applying and auditioning for colleges, conservatories and companies this upcoming year. I hope for the best. I know I will end up where I am meant to be, and while that is in the back of my mind, the nervousness and anxiety is still present. I recently was Belle in my studio’s ballet production of Beauty and the Beast, which was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I truly had a fantastic time learning the part and being able to dance with my partner Paul again. I cannot wait to continue my passion for dance as long as I can, and I hope my career has just begun.
2014: age 16
Dance is my passion, and has been for as long as I can remember. I can’t see a time where it won’t be. I hope to be a professional one day, and am currently at a performing arts high school where I am pursuing a career. I hope to grow as much as I can every single day and know to be patient with myself as growing is a process, not a destination.
2013: age 15
Dance is my everything right now. I go to Booker T. Washington HSPVA for dance, and I hope that I will be able to have the wonderful opportunity of making it my career. I dream of dancing professionally, and I will do whatever it takes to make the dreams come true! Dance is my passion and has been for a long, long time and I never want to know what life is like without it.