Dear Mom and Dad, I’ve Made It

BY EMMALY WIEDERHOLT

Last August, I asked eight dance artists at different points in their careers what “making it” means to them. Their responses were so poignant that I decided to make every August “making it” month and continue posing the question to various dance artists. Please join us this month in looking at what “making it” means as a dancer, artist and human. 

 

Dear mom and dad,

I’ve made it to South Africa. I made it to the National Arts Festival. I’m not coming home when I planned. I’m staying an extra five weeks. What am I going to do? I don’t know. Improvise. Explore. Meet new people, make new friends. How much money do I have? Oh, not much. What am I going to do in the long run? I don’t know. Am I going to keep dancing? Yeah. I don’t know in what capacity though.

Yeah, I realize there are a lot of “I don’t knows” in my life right now.

~~

Dear mom and dad,

I took dance classes at Joburg Ballet while I was in Johannesburg. When people asked where I danced, I proudly said I danced in San Francisco for almost six years. Saying it didn’t convey the sense of fragility and insecurity I felt when I was in the midst of it. “I danced in San Francisco before I moved to Los Angeles to get my Masters.” It sounded glamorous, like I made it as a dancer.

I didn’t tell them how I often felt inadequate. I didn’t tell them how among some of my closest friends there was an underlying constant competitiveness and sense of comparison. I didn’t tell them that most of my performances were out of black box theaters to small audiences. I didn’t tell them that I supported myself with a variety of odd jobs. I just told them I was a dancer in San Francisco and let them fill in the blanks.

~~

Dear mom and dad,

The other day I arrived at the studio too early so I sat and watched a youth ballet class. Watching those kids struggle through plies and releves, I suddenly felt so grateful for the role dance has played in my life. It has guided me to wonderful people, experiences and opportunities. Dance guided me here to South Africa. And it will directly or indirectly continue to guide me to what’s next, whatever that may be.

~~

Dear mom and dad,

I’ve made it to South Africa. I’ll make it home at the end of the month. I don’t know what I’ll do after, but I’ll make it up as I go along. I probably won’t ever make it big, but I’ll always strive to make myself happier, healthier and more whole. And maybe that’s enough. Maybe that’s all that “making it” was supposed to mean in the first place.

Making_it_14_Emmaly_Wiederholt

4 Responses to “Dear Mom and Dad, I’ve Made It”

  4. Renee

    This almost made me cry! So beautiful and so well said!

    I’m really proud of you for making it Emmaly and I miss your face. Hope all is well in your life!

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